How many times have I told you not to climb trees? And if you’re going to climb a tree, don’t fall asleep in the tree. And even if you don’t fall asleep in the tree, don’t get in a fight in the tree or someone might, you know, push you out of the tree. Why? Because other people, and by people I mean half chimp/half human people, can be jerks and push you. And even if they don’t, people fall from trees, especially when they do something dumb like fall asleep in the tree high above the ground. Sometimes they get hurt. Sometimes they die. Well it’s a good thing Lucy, our common ancestor, had a baby or two before she fell from a tree and died, or you wouldn’t be here in the first place. But it really explains a lot about you. Like your propensity to not listen to anything I say, or any good advice for that matter. Because the entire human race is descended from Lucy. Notice I didn’t say Eve, who came from someone’s rib. That story is a lot better than coming from someone who fell over 49 feet from a tree, which is the average height that chimps like to chillax during the day. Maybe that’s why everyone talks about Eve instead of Lucy, your dumb ancestor who was short, and not just on brains because she climbed and presumably slept in a tree without the proper equipment, like a harness or a safety rope. Dammit Lucy! Why couldn’t you have died a more glorious death, like in the cockpit of a spaceship you designed while being struck by a fireball from an alien intruder? Why did you have to embarrass me like this? It’s a good thing whenever I’m falling asleep sitting down, I jerk forward, waking up – an evolutionary tick that prevents ME from falling out of a tree. Of course I wouldn’t be caught dead falling asleep in a tree. Now please excuse me while I go eat a donut, contrary to my doctor’s advice.
[Photo By 120 – own picture worked with photoshop, CC BY 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1818607%5D