OMG Zika is here! We Are All Doomed!

First, the bad news.  You’re going to die, and it won’t be fun.  Now the good news: only if you go to Florida.  Specifically Miami Beach.  Because that’s where the Zika-carrying mosquitoes are hanging out.  Some scientists found a few of them, and told CNN, and now we have a serious problem, but, only if you’re pregnant, old or unlucky.

So what should you do?  First of all, head to Miami Beach! Hotels have to be SUPER cheap right now. Who doesn’t want to go to Miami and hang out when there aren’t a  bunch of tourists hanging around snapping pictures, or fighting, like in this video:


The last time I was in Miami, I ran a half marathon, and the only people who were cheering at Miami Beach were a few homeless people (thank you!) and the street cleaners. Way to show support, Miami. I do enjoy it there when I go, even it the sand is pumped from offshore, or from brought in from other shores.  And don’t worry – Miami has been through worse.  Remember the zombie attack where a guy was ate another person’s face in broad daylight (part of the ‘harm to table’ movement)?  They weathered that storm.

But back to Zika.  What are you supposed to do?  Well, you can stay inside and shudder quietly in the corner, shades drawn, weeping.  That always helps.  Or you can douse yourself with mosquito repellent,  but according to HowStuffWorks.Com,

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) reregistered DEET in 1998 to ensure it conformed to today’s more stringent standards (rather than the 1950s standards). Because DEET is applied to the skin and not directly on plants or wildlife, its impact on the environment is minimal. However, the EPA shows DEET as slightly toxic to birds, fish and aquatic invertebrates. It’s virtually nontoxic to mammals. The EPA currently rates DEET as Toxicity Category III, the second lowest of four categories — or “slightly toxic”

Does that mean you shouldn’t drink deet? I didn’t say that, but you probably shouldn’t.

What else can you do? Wear mosquito nets over your clothes like this person (this looks really cool!). You can walk around with a home-made flame thrower.  You can make one with a lighter and aerosol hair spray. It’s so fun!  What I wouldn’t recommend, especially if you like bees, is to call in the airplane mosquito sprayers, because they kill all the bees. In fact, millions of bees died recently in South Carolina because, you know, there aren’t any Zika-carrying mosquitoes there yet as far as we know, and there won’t be, either!  But don’t worry South Carolinians – bees are probably Democrats.

One thought on “OMG Zika is here! We Are All Doomed!

  1. The second sentence in the above article states: “You’re going to die, and it won’t be fun.” That is incorrect. The Zika virus has a very very very low mortality rate in humans that were not birthed by a Zika infected mother, so unless they were talking to an unborn baby who is infected with Zika, (and even if they were, this would still be incorrect, as it wouldn’t matter where the baby was at the time, he/she would still be affected) this is a very large generalization, as the Zika symptoms in adults are easily comparable to those of the common cold, or at the worst, the flu, and nobody would be dying from it but people with weak immune systems, like the elderly or the very young.


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