6 Things to Do on Labor Day

Happy Labor Day reader(s?)!  Even if you don’t have any friends, that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying Labor Day and a unique national holiday.  Here are 6 things you can do to make your holiday unbearably exceptional.

1. Wear White From Head To Toe: The unofficial ‘rule’ about not wearing white after Labor Day was set by wealthy upper class Americans to distinguish them from their lower class contemporaries.  If you wore white after September, you were obviously the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst . So please, wear white today, and for the rest of the year.  In fact, wear the same exact clothing until Memorial Day, and have some Labor Day spaghetti while you’re at it with red sauce, then splash the sauce all over your white clothes.

2. Barbecue with propane gas: because charcoal can give you pancreatic and colon cancer and contributes to air pollution.

3. Remember those who were killed during labor strikes: Labor Day was a conciliatory gesture by the great strike-breaking President Grover Cleveland, who violently put down the Pullman Strike with Federal troops after unskilled railroad workers fought for enough pay just to survive. 30 people were killed by Federal troops during the strike. Although the protesting workers were blacklisted and presumably unable to secure a job after that, at least they were able to get Monday off from their unemployment.

4. Go Shopping: For millions of the working poor who can’t afford to take Labor Day off, today is a day to work, especially in retail. Celebrate with them by going to the store to buy stuff.  And hey, you can even pretend that the ‘sales’ you see are real sales, and not fake ones, because many retailers have the same items on sale for f-ing ever, or actually charge more for sale items.  If you want to add some entertainment to your day, visit your local Walmart and count how many shoplifters actually get away without being arrested.

5. Worry about your job being replaced.  Did you know that 65% of workers believe most jobs will be replaced by computers or robots in the next 50 years, but only 20% think it will be their jobs. And so many of those who will lose their jobs to robots are worried about illegal immigrants and the border with Mexico.

6. Celebrate if you have a job: The economy added 151,000 jobs in August,  but 34,000 of those were low wage jobs in the service industry.  The good news? You can often eat for free if you make an intentional mistake taking a patron’s order!



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