Get your drinking games ready! Alcoholics, savor the momentary comfort that arrives with seeing your typically sober friends drinking on a Monday night. Black out halfway through the debate. Wake up vomiting and then enjoy seeing your friends getting sick too, but for different reasons. A debate with one of, if not the largest, television ratings in history is scheduled to go down tonight! Are you ready? Hillary fans, remember when you thought Trump would drop out by now! HA! Fooled ya! Trump fans, remember when you thought he’d let you play on his exclusive golf courses and stay at his hotels? L O L! Where will you be? What are you wearing? What can Hillary do wrong, or Donald do right? Hypeoxia has some questions for the candidates that we hope the moderator will ask. Let’s get right to it!
1. Do you believe in guaranteed income from the United States government for those workers displaced by self-driving cars?
WHY: Do you drive for a living? You’re about to be f—ed by a computer chip. Sure, you’ll be a passenger for a while who gets to occasionally push the on or off button, but mostly we know you’ll fall asleep or check your phone for a year or two until you’re finally deemed to be unnecessary. There are about 3 million of you, and there are others who rely on you for purchasing goods and services who will also lose income. What will you do? You’re going to need money. Maybe you can work at a fast food joint. Oops! That’s not going to work out either. Well maybe the government can pay you to sit on your rear end. Otherwise, you might just rise up only to be shot by a robot drone.
2. Do you support a Kurdish state in Syria and Iraq?
WHY: Our poor Kurdish friends have spent lives, money and weapons blowing the living heck out of ISIS in Syria and Iraq, only to have their autonomous region there cut in two by Turkey a couple of weeks ago. It won’t be the first time the Kurds have helped out US allies only to be left holding the bag. They have some human rights issues, but overall they’re a shining light of democracy and women’s rights in the Middle East. Should we give them Mosul? Raqqa? What if it makes Turkey mad? Turkey considers the Kurdistan Workers Party in Turkey, who have links to the Syrian Kurds, a terrorist organization and have stated they won’t tolerate a free Kurdistan next door in Syria.. Remember when you had to chose your friends’ party over going to your girlfriend’s parents house for dinner? It’s just like that.
3. What steps will you take to ensure transparency in your administration?
WHY: Clinton has been less than clear about her health issues, real estate dealings, her charity, emails, and a myriad of other issues that, although they were probably harmless fun, turned into a major public relations disaster.
4. Under what circumstances would you use a nuclear weapon?
WHY: Trump has repeatedly made some crazy, off-the-cuff statements about using nuclear weapons, making many believe he might shoot them from the hip. If undecided voters knew he wouldn’t start arming Japan, sell nuclear weapons to Russia or blow up Mexico after a Twitter war, they might be more inclined to vote for him. After all, voters can stand incompetence to a pointincompetence to a point, but playing with atomic firecrackers? Not cool. As for Hillary, perhaps the fear is that she might be disinclined to use them even if the United States was attack because, according to critics, she’s ‘weak’ and ‘a woman’. There’s a time and a place for nuclear weapons, and it’s in about a year, against an asteroid.
5. What’s your favorite book that you’ve read?
WHY: I know mine! Red Fish, Blue Fish! And that’s why I should be President! But this answer would be somewhat enlightening as to their personal and presidential philosophy. I also think it would take them both off guard, although Trump will almost certainly mention ‘The Art of the Deal’. Hillary? ‘The Prince’, of course.