Many in the mainstream media would have you believe that Clinton has an over 70% chance of winning this election, but there are enough expert voices in the wilderness calling out the truth: that Donald Trump will absolutely be elected President of these United States in November. You can be in denial all you want. Hillary Clinton could win 10 more debates. She could get 100% on her spelling bee, and score a perfect 1600 on her SAT. Trump? He could drop the N word a few times, walk down the street naked and start adopting a liberal viewpoint (wait, hasn’t he already?). It wouldn’t matter. Because a lot of people with less than a college education don’t like smart people like Hillary Clinton. They like Trump because he speaks his mind. Bottom line? His path to the Presidency is all but guaranteed. It is inevitable. You’d better start planning for it, and what better time than now?
Sure, you can blame millennials, those ‘basement dwellers‘ Hillary refers to, former entitled Bernie supporters who were promised free college, health care and peace on earth, who will either stay home as a ‘protest’, or vote Libertarian, Green or Trump (because, nihilism, dudes). You can blame the left-wing media for being so elitist that they managed to make the real base of the Democratic party, white working class union members feel like they weren’t part of the club. You can blame African Americans, who remember the Clinton-enacted criminal justice reform that sent many of their men to prison for doing their best working in an underground economy when the real economy offered little if any opportunities. They are just not as into her, and don’t realize the danger of Donald Trump. You can blame all of the media for giving Trump the free publicity he needed which saved him millions in advertising. But it doesn’t matter does it? Your country elected Crazy Stupid, and Crazy Stupid is going to be in charge. So what will you do? Luckily, we at Hypeoxia have the answers!
SELL ALL OF YOUR STOCKS, EXCEPT GUN AND DEFENSE STOCKS
Protectionism and saber rattling are bad for the market, so why wait until things bottom out? Sell now, before it’s too late, and put all of your money into a savings account, or under a pillow because, you know, there could be a run on the banks with Trump refusing to bail any of them out. Not that he has the authority to do that, but you know, just in case.
APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF YOUR EUROPEAN FRIENDS
This wasn’t your fault. Take a selfie of you voting for Hillary just so they know it’s true, and when the EU invades in 6 years after World War 3, they won’t make you dig the graves for the piled-up bodies in the streets.
GET READY FOR BATTLE
Electing and empowering stupid, insane and murderous leaders seems to be in human DNA. From Hitler to Stalin, Mussolini to Assad, to Hussein (the list goes on!), dummies, particularly those in rural areas, who view the world in terms of black and white, good and evil, can’t WAIT to kill, just for fun! That could mean civil war, or attacking invaders from decent, rational countries or a combination of the two! Civil war is fun – just ask the folks in Allepo!
BUILD A BOMB SHELTER
A President who tweets angrily at 3am is not the guy you want with nuclear codes, but alas, he will have them. Twitter war and nuclear war, same thing. If you’ve got ’em, use ’em!
PREPARE FOR BEING A REFUGEE
Buy a small suitcase and practice packing for emergency evacuation. You have two choices: frozen tundra (Canada) or being beheaded after your friends who lost money on the Trump stock market catastrophe of 2017 can’t pony up enough money to pay your ransom (Mexico). You could also take a boat to Europe, but their far-right Trump-like leaders have closed the borders. (LOL). Remember when those truck drivers didn’t want ‘no refugees here in America’?! NOW how does it feel to be one?
I want to wish all of you the best of luck for the next 4 to 8 years. If you can escape with and become part of the strongest militia, you’ll be doing alright!